Wedding Talks: Kalisti 's African Wedding

Kalisti has worked for me as a houseboy for three years now, he thinks he is 20 years old but no one is quite sure of his real age. Before he worked for me he earned his money as a thief living on the streets; if fact the streets were his home since he was very young. He had never been to a proper school, never had a birthday, never been loved and was largely a loner. The only role model was an older brother who sold drugs and was eventually imprisoned for murder. In prison the brother had slit his wrists with a broken bottle and quite unnoticed had bled quietly to death. Most folk in our village, thought of Kalisti as lost cause.

He came to me after serving three months in an east African prison for theft. The same prison that had allowed the life to bleed out his brother’s wrist was to become Kalisti’s saving grace. The experience he suffered in prison became the deliverance into repentance and a new life; so very much did he fear returning to any prison.

I had recently returned to Tanzania and needed someone to keep house as I had recently rented a house off the main road that led into town. The house I had rented from Mama Freda [who I am sure is a distant relation of Attila the Hun]. Mama Freda rented her home to me but stayed close-by living in a one roomed house in the terrace garden above. We were separated by a few banana trees and a thin bamboo fence which to my eternal torment had a gate and then a short five steps down into my back garden. She used this gate on a regular basis to visit me when the mood was upon her to chat and to ensure I watered her border plants.

Kalisti came to my attention at a local community meeting he had approached the village elders as he had been give a book and needed someone to teach him to read. I volunteered to pay for his lessons and in return Kalisti’s gave me his undying loyalty and friendship.

Minja, one of the village elders, decided that I should take in Kalisti as my houseboy and I was told he could also see to the garden and by night he would help protect me. It was also decided I could help rehabilitate him into society and as an added bonus my Swahili would improve as Kalisti could not speak one work of English besides ‘hello’.

He has been with me for quite a while now and he calls me his father. Sometimes I have to walk through the slum areas of Unga Limited late at night. He calls this area ‘the ghetto’ and he can find his way through the labyrinth of narrow alleys blindfolded. He knows the all the thieves so they leave us alone. Those he doesn’t know are intimidated his height and attitude.

The down side is if he accompanies me to the one supermarket that has just opened in the town centre we are followed by security guards. If he went alone I am sure they would refuse him entry.

If ever you were to ask Kalisti his one ambition in life he would answer to have a wife. After three years of asking every woman who spoke to him someone has said yes. He now has a fiancé and is about to marry her – he hopes – in November.

He came to me two weeks ago and has asked for a week off to give him time to travel to the other end of Tanzania to visit the family of his fiancé and to pay for the privilege and ‘permission to marry’. This will be formalized in the form of a letter from his fiancé’s father. I asked him why he can’t marry a girl whose family lives in the same village! However, he left fifteen days ago to cross Tanzania by bus.

Two days ago Mama Freda visited me as she was just a little worried as Kalisti has not yet returned. He traveled with his wife and a chaperone who was to also double up as a negotiator to establish a fair price for the bride. Kalisti has never ventured very far from his home town of Arusha and to take on this great epic adventure across the vastness of Tanzania was a challenge. Mama Freda and I talked and wondered why Kalisti was late returning home and we both worked ourselves up into a fit of worry for his safety.

The following day Kalisti returned early in the evening. Mama Freda wanted to share the excitement of Kalisti’s adventure. So she killed one of her chickens and I went to the butcher and we cooked up a feast. We went to eat with Mama Freda in her garden, we sat on a grass mat under a tree and the only light was that of the full moon. We shared our meal and Kalisti talked and talked late into the evening. It was so bohemian!

Kalisti told us about the experience of his adventure. He walked in the warm Indian Ocean in Dar es Salaam – this was his first ever sight of the sea; this trip was a truly life changing experience for him. I wish I had been there to share this experience – I would have loved to see him in the sea; trousers rolled up to his knees and being on a beach for the first time in his life.

The following day he left Dar es Salaam by bus to travel to the Iringa region of Tanzania. There are hundreds nay thousands of the huge baobab trees around Iringa and this also impressed him. As did passing through Mikumi National Park on the journey from Dar es Salaam to Iringa – the main road cuts through the north end of the park - he managed to spot giraffes, impala, zebras and a herd or two of elephants. It is strange that many people in Tanzania live so close to these fantastic National Parks and never get to see any wildlife.

The village he to which he traveled to obtain the life changing letter to marry his fiancé was high in the mountains that straddle the Tanzanian - Malawi border – the evenings here are cold – Kalisti has never experienced real cold before. He said in a morning he took boiling water straight from the pan to drink in one gulp in order to defrost himself – a little exaggeration here I think.

His most lasting impression in this small village was one that saddened him. The village of his fiancée – the people are so very poor even by African standards. It is so cold and they survive mainly on maze and beans – no money for medication – if you get sick you simply die. He visited graves next to the homes he visited and now he could read he read everything he could. He counted the many small graves of the young children who had died – he read the inscriptions on the graves - it has truly shocked him.

The houses are made from local clay bricks baked in huge wood fires and the roof is made from dried grass – not thatch I was told - but hay. All houses were low roofed and Kalisti [who is very tall] kept banging his head.

He paid the price for his bride and succeeded in getting the letter to allow him to marry his fiancée. He used all his savings to travel to get this letter, which normally would have been such a waste of money in my eyes. I would rather the money be spent on the house Kalisti needs to build for his new wife. However, he has had such an education over the past ten days I think the money well spent.

Young Pastor Geoffrey visited twice today as he is organizing the wedding – not a grand wedding but a small ceremony followed by a feast for the village and then the young couple go to live life in dire poverty. The process to pay for the wedding here in Tanzania is to buy some cards to announce the wedding and ask for donations. Kalisti is to be married on 20th November. I fear it all happens too quickly, we need to save more money but who can stop the headlong rush of a young man and woman who have just got to be married.

I am thinking of taking Kalisti into our village school tomorrow – I want to get him to tell the storey of his adventure to the young children. We will rehearse tonight. I think it might be fascinating for the children to share with Kalisti his adventure and Kalisti is like a child when he gets excited about something.

The morning after we had sat under the full moon to eat with Mama Freda she visited me to let me know she had the flu. I suppose our bohemian supper was nice but the evening had a definite chill in the air. Mama Freda and I are getting a little old for such things!

Kalisti has announced when he leaves me, the week before the wedding to move into his new home, that he will take the new guest bed I have just purchased for some guests coming over from England. He wants the bed as a wedding present and won’t take no for an answer. I think we will have to fight about this issue. I am putting my foot down and will not allow him to take this bed when he moves out to live with his new bride and at the same time I am thinking how to afford another a new bed.

About the Author

To see a photograph of Kalisti talking to the children at school about his experiences go to http://www.tunaweza.com this site supports local Community Initiatives in Kenya and Tanzania. For information on Tanzania safaris see http://www.tanzania-info.co.uk supporting responsible tourism.